Why Do Married Women Run To Their Mother In Law When Things Go Wrong

Marriage is a union that brings two families together, creating a web of relationships that can be both supportive and challenging. While traditionally, many women seek comfort from their own mothers when facing marital difficulties, an increasing number find solace in their mothers-in-law. This might seem surprising, given the stereotypes of strained relationships between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law. However, there are several reasons why a married woman might turn to her husband's mother when things go wrong.

Below are seven key reasons why this happens:

1. Seeking Emotional Support and Understanding

When a married woman faces challenges in her marriage, she may turn to her mother-in-law for emotional support. Mothers-in-law, having been married themselves, often understand the ups and downs of relationships. If the woman has built a good relationship with her mother-in-law, she may feel comfortable confiding in her.

Unlike friends who might only offer sympathy, a mother-in-law can provide a balanced perspective, helping her daughter-in-law navigate her marital issues with wisdom. Some women may feel that their own mothers are too emotionally involved, whereas a mother-in-law can be more objective and experienced in handling marital conflicts.

2. Looking for Influence Over the Husband

A mother holds a special place in her son's life, often carrying significant influence over his decisions. When a married woman faces difficulties with her husband, she might reach out to her mother-in-law in the hope that she can persuade her son to change his behavior.

This is particularly common in cultures where men listen to their mothers more than anyone else. If the husband is being stubborn, distant, or unresponsive, the wife might turn to the one person she believes can get through to him—his mother.

For example, if a husband is neglecting his responsibilities or making poor financial decisions, a wise mother-in-law can advise her son to be more responsible, leading to positive changes in the marriage.

3. A Stronger Bond with the Mother-in-Law Than Her Own Mother

Not all women have close relationships with their biological mothers. In some cases, a woman may have a closer, more understanding relationship with her mother-in-law than with her own mother.

There are many reasons why this might happen:

The woman's own mother may be absent or deceased. Her mother may be unsupportive or dismissive. She may feel that her mother-in-law genuinely cares for her and treats her as a daughter.

In such situations, she may naturally seek comfort and guidance from the person she considers a maternal figure—her mother-in-law.

4. Fear of Judgement from Her Own Family

A woman might hesitate to discuss marital issues with her own family because she fears being judged or criticized. Some families are quick to take sides or make harsh judgments, which can create unnecessary pressure on the woman to either "endure" or leave the marriage.

A mother-in-law, on the other hand, might be more interested in finding a solution rather than assigning blame. Since she wants her son's marriage to succeed, she may offer constructive advice rather than judgment.

In cultures where divorce is frowned upon, some women feel more comfortable speaking to their mother-in-law, believing that she will help them fix the marriage rather than encourage separation.

5. Cultural or Traditional Expectations

In many cultures, especially in Africa and Asia, it is common for wives to seek counsel from their mothers-in-law when facing marital difficulties. This is based on the traditional belief that a mother-in-law plays a mentorship role in a young woman's life, guiding her on how to be a good wife.

Some women feel obligated to seek their mother-in-law’s advice due to societal expectations. In such cultures, the mother-in-law is seen as an authority on marriage and family matters, making her the first point of consultation before seeking help elsewhere.

6. Hoping to Protect the Marriage from Outsiders

Some women avoid discussing their marital problems with friends or extended family members because they fear gossip, betrayal, or unwanted interference. Friends and relatives might spread rumors or escalate the conflict instead of helping resolve it.

A mother-in-law, on the other hand, has a vested interest in protecting the marriage since she wants to see her son happy and settled. Unlike outsiders, she is less likely to expose private matters and more likely to offer solutions that keep the family intact.

For instance, if a woman is struggling with misunderstandings or financial issues with her husband, she may believe that her mother-in-law can offer private, family-oriented advice that won’t lead to public embarrassment.

7. Financial or Practical Support

Sometimes, a married woman turns to her mother-in-law not just for emotional support, but also for practical assistance, especially in times of financial strain, childcare issues, or health concerns.

For example:

If a husband is financially irresponsible or has lost his job, a mother-in-law might step in to offer temporary financial help.

If the woman is dealing with pregnancy or child-rearing challenges, a mother-in-law may offer guidance and assistance.

In cases where the husband is abusive or neglectful, a woman might seek shelter or temporary refuge at her mother-in-law’s home.

In some families, the mother-in-law becomes a key pillar of support, ensuring that the daughter-in-law is not completely stranded when faced with challenges.

Conclusion: Is This a Good or Bad Thing?

Whether turning to a mother-in-law is a good or bad decision depends on the nature of the relationship between the woman and her mother-in-law.

If the mother-in-law is kind, understanding, and supportive, this can be a positive move that strengthens the marriage rather than weakens it. A wise mother-in-law can offer guidance that helps the couple overcome their challenges.

However, if the mother-in-law is controlling, manipulative, or biased, involving her might escalate conflicts rather than resolve them. Some women have faced worse situations after involving their mothers-in-law, especially if the latter uses the opportunity to gain control over the marriage.

Ultimately, the decision to confide in a mother-in-law should be made carefully, ensuring that she is someone who genuinely wants to help and not interfere in the marriage.

What are your thoughts? Would you turn to your mother-in-law in times of trouble, or do you think it's best to keep marital issues between husband and wife? Share your opinions in the comments below!